“Beep, beep. Cars acomin’.”

I can still hear his little voice echoing in from the living room. He drove his cars round and round. I swear it was a just a few moments ago.

I settle into the passenger’s seat while he adjusts his mirror. It seems only right that he’s driving - I have been looking up at him for a couple of years now and his bassy voice is lower than hunky hubby’s. It is logical that he’s driving…but my heart doesn’t always process life with logic.

And it’s only been a few moments since he was “driving” his cars in the living room…beep, beep.

When our songbird learned to drive I was not the best driving companion. I was anxious about all the possible issues. I worried about the mistakes she would make, the harm I could not protect her from, and the choices she would make when I wasn’t in the car.  I was not prepared for life in the passenger’s seat. 

It’s hard to get used to the view from the passenger seat of life. To shift from the mom who did the driving, made the decisions, and kept them safe to the mom who offers gentle reminders from the cheap seats and whispers silent prayers as they steer into their futures. I think it is that shift that is most difficult for parents (granted, some more than others).

With our songbird it wasn’t that I did not want her to live her own life. It was just that I felt unsure of my role in her next chapters. I felt like if I wasn’t driving I wasn’t mom, and I didn’t know how to wrap my head and heart around those feelings. But God blessed me with an amazing young woman who shows me grace and pushes ahead. Now that she’s in college and we have a found a new rhythm to our relationship I have learned to breathe again. 

(The mancub may never grasp the debt of gratitude he owes his big sister for breaking us in and helping us figure out life and parenting.)

I remember the exhaustion of parenting toddlers. Of keeping daring little beings alive and clean while trying to manage all the details of life, nurturing relationships with adults, nurturing their curiosity, and trying to figure out why they were always so sticky. The juggling act was real, and draining.

Then life slides into the middle years where they can make their own snacks, you can go to the bathroom by yourself, and their worlds are still small. Life isn’t as sticky and there’s room to breathe. I remember when they were old enough/tall enough to sit in the front seat. Our conversations changed and the music changed (since they could play dj now). I still drove, but they helped navigate and we shared the journey.

The world shifts, and the future rolls out in front of teenagers with newfound ideas, loud opinions, and the drive to grab the world by the tail. Before I was prepared I was ejected from the driver’s seat and struggled to hold on as time began to speed up.

And then you’re sitting in the passenger seat as he talks of dreams and future. As he makes jokes and offer insight. And, yet, in his deep laugh I can hear the faint echo of little peanut giggles. 

I take pictures when they drive — they think its dumb and that’s okay. But I want to hold the moments, cling to them and press them into my heart. Because in a breath they are off. Driving their own cars…living their own lives…chasing their own dreams. In a blink this Driving Miss Daisy era will be will seem like yesterday…beep, beep.  And I get teary-eyed at the thought. 

The journey of parenting is not for the faint of heart (neither is sitting in the passenger seat while your teen pulls out onto a two lane highway!). Being a parent is not as easy as always just being mom…mom’s roles change as the kids get older. More than once I have pushed an invisible brake pedal as a kiddo drives, and if I was honest I would tell you I have tried to find the brake pedal in life too. I am in my driving Miss Daisy era (the first one…perhaps there will be another in 30+ years) and learning to love it. I have a handsome chauffeur who is very talkative behind the wheel…I’ll take every precious moment. Beep, beep.