The Word He Said

I tried to play it off. To act as though his words, the word, didn’t affect me…

But it did. The word hung there in the air between us, and I could barely breath.

My hunky hubby came home from work - walked into the garage, kissed me hello, looked straight into my eyes and asked, “How is the one I cherish?”

A week shy of our nineteenth anniversary and he can still take my breath away.

A few years ago while leading a Bible study on Colossians one verse sparked an entire lesson and activity. One that would help me embrace my position in the Kingdom of God and begin to understand how far I have come…how far God has brought me.

For he has rescued us from the the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14.

That concept - being rescued from the dominion of darkness and being brought into the Kingdom got me pondering the difference between who I was (and how I felt) and who I am. As I so often need to do, I wrote it out…I put it down in construction paper with crayons and color. I worked through who I was and who I am.

forgotten - called

worthless - precious

abused - cherished

Cherished.

It is hard to wrap your mind around being cherished when as a child you were made to feel less than. When you are unlovable or nothing more than an obligation to those who are meant to love and care for you, you learn, quickly, that there is nothing special about you. No place to be wholly yourself and wholly loved.

There were exactly three people who cherished me for the first 29 years of my life. Three. My grandparents and my aunt never left any doubt of my role in their lives and hearts. When life’s circumstances allowed me to be with them I felt loved.

But the scars of chaos and abuse carry echoes of untruth and darkness. For years I wandered as one lost in the dark. Living unloved. Living unlovable.

God whispered into my darkness and changed my citizenship.

Then there was eharmony and this cute guy with those green eyes.

And in a flash he went from some guy I met on the internet to the man sliding a ring on my finger and promising me forever.

I loved him deeply, and clung to him like a life raft out of the darkness.

Nineteen years later. We’ve walked through fires and danced in the rain. We nurtured babies, survived postpartum depression and too many surgeries, were those homeschool parents, walked in far of villages, relentlessly cheered on our songbird and mancub. We held hands over graves, at weddings, and as we worship. We belly laughed, raised our voices, ate too much, and were too busy for a real meal. We shoveled driveways, jumped in the leaves with giggling peanuts and overexcited dogs, sat in fields of blue bonnets, and stood in lapping waves watching the sunrise paint the sky.

I know what it was to be lost. To understand the darkness…to find it comfortable and safe.

I know what is is to live in the Kingdom of the beloved Son. To live in the light…to love and be loved.

Last week that man of mine called me the one he cherished, and the Holy Spirit nudged my heart…He’s not the only one who cherishes you.

Happy anniversary, my love. The first nineteen years of our love story have been incredible. Here’s to more sunsets, long flights, late night laughs, Bible studies, kitchen slow dances, and family dinners. I cherish you.