Post-it Note Truth

I hung a post it note on my computer today. This is news? Well, yes it is. Only because of what it says….

I have for a long time, well decades really, believed lies about my self-worth and how I am loved or unloved, as the case may be. In the last few years, I have gone through trauma therapy (that was a whole journey worth several posts that maybe someday I will write, but for today, I know that it was a difficult journey but worth it). And this year I have switched my focus to physical health. I say this year, but let’s be more honest and say this month.

As I begin to workout, cutback on the junk food, practice intermittent fasting and more I keep telling myself the simplest of statements, but life changing.

So life changing I put it on a Post-it note.

I am worth taking care of.

That’s it. Not really bumper sticker worthy I suppose, but a Post-it is good enough.

When you grow up believing you are unlovable, you live your life unlovable. I have used food as a coping mechanism, comfort, a shield, a hobby, a reward, and so many other unhealthy and unhelpful things. I have pushed my body into dangerous territory with my eating habits and lack of self-care.

Now, I am working to undo decades of flawed thinking and living unlovable, and while I have some physical habits to build the truth is that this is mostly a battle of the mind. Learning what my body needs, not what my habits tell me I need (which is really more a want than a need). I am learning that I can do the hard things - one more lap, one more rep, skip seconds on dinner, not graze or snack at all hours, and drink enough water. Learning that I am worth taking care. Whew, that’s the hardest one.

So, there’s my post it note on my desk. And I am going to put one on our bathroom mirror. Mini pep talks and reminders that the investment in my health is an investment in a long, happy life with my hunky hubby (who is joining me on this health journey).

I have tried fad diets, exercised in spurts, and even tried guilting myself into losing weight by talking about being a fat girl on social media. None of it stuck. Want to know why? It wasn’t for the right reasons or with sustainable means. I wanted quick. I wanted easy. And when the going got tough and lasted more than a couple of weeks I walked away. Fooling myself into thinking that maybe I just was meant to be fat.

I don’t have to be waif thin to be healthy, and honestly, I know I am naturally a thick girl. So my goal — a healthier version of me. A me who sees food as fuel, and enjoys fueling up. A me who can work out and conquer the world without heavy breathing. A me who believes I am worth taking care of.

So, if you stop by, enjoy my new Post-it note decorating style. There’s some deep truth written here…